My daughter and I were playing a puzzle, and I couldn’t find the exact piece that would make puzzle fit together. So my 2 year old just took a random jagged piece from another puzzle and stuck it in so that we could complete it. She shoved a square edge into an oval, and genuinely thought it would work. And that’s what the majority of people do in relationships. They throw compatibility out of the window and assume that because they want something to work, it’ll work.
The bottom line is that it doesn’t feel like work when you are with the right person. So when do you know you have the right person? It feels much more like a partnership and a partnership makes everything easier. You cook a little, they do the dishes. And when you don’t feel like cooking, they’ll cook. If you hate loading dishes, they hate unloading, so it works. If you can’t get out of bed with a cold, they will gladly run to the store for orange juice, soup, and medicine. And you’ll return the favor whenever the situation is reversed.
When the two of you have a problem in your relationship, you talk about it, solve it, and move on to something else. You find yourself wanting to hang out, spend time, or just be in their company. You wouldn’t mind your son or daughter marrying someone like them or growing up to become them. Should it be, or shouldn't it be? That question has come up a lot over the years, among my friends and me. My take is that every once in a while, yes, you need to put some extra energy into doing something you don't want to do to make your partner happy. Every now and then, you need to discipline yourself to change a habit to make the relationship smoother. Sometimes, you need to work out a long-standing disagreement that's started to cause serious problems, or find a way to get through some life changes that are stressing the relationship. But I don't think a relationship should be all work, all the time, particularly not in the beginning stages — and if it is, well, then there it’s time for change.
There is a difference between investing energy and being faced with and forced to do hard work. We all know it. Taking care of your relationship should be a joy. It should be something worthy of doing and there’s no point doing the relationship thing at all if you aren’t going to give it the energy it requires. When you do not know who you are, what you need, and what makes you happy, it’s difficult to choose the right person. You think that love is all you need. And you fall in love with a jagged piece of person when you are an entirely different shape. So it’s time to reshape what our relationship perceptions are and begin to understand that a healthy, happy relationship doesn’t feel like work at all. It that simple!